I had planned on writing an Easter blog. Well, Easter was over a couple of weeks ago. Sigh. Maybe someday I'll be a real blogger. I guess it's fitting that I'm ending Easter late since I entered the Easter season already behind. Somehow it snuck up on me and I didn't even realize the Lenten season had started until I saw people walking around town with ashes on their forehead, bearing the sins that I had not even thought to confront in my own life. And it continued like that, with me rushing through life while looking for a hand hold of something deeper to grab on to. I tried to come up with a plan, of some way to make the Easter season meaningful for me and for my family. I looked for interesting activities on the internet, asked friend for ideas, kept my eye out for special Easter worship events. But I came to the realization that Easter isn't about me or about what special faith experiences I wanted to have or wanted to orchestrate for my family. How would God want me to celebrate Easter? What would honor Him?
I think God would want me to worship Him. I think He would want me to serve Him by serving others. I was too late to get in on the service opportunities our church was involved in on Good Friday, but next year I need to make that my plan. I need to start with pleasing God first and not with what I want to get out of Easter for myself. It's so easy to couch it all in spiritual terms. I was just looking to get closer to God after all. But at the heart of it all was just an attitude that focused on me and not on God. Like the night I took the kids to a tenebrae service while Eric was out of town. When we were leaving the house I prayed that God would make this a meaningful time for me and for the kids, that the service would be a meaningful experience. And then I caught myself, thinking of myself again.
Why didn't I pray that I would worship in a way that would please God? That the Lord would reveal my sin, that I would hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, that I would have a pure heart to praise the Lord, that I could worship in spirit and truth?
I have come to realize that much of my thoughts focus on me, even when I am supposedly focusing on God. I am much more steeped in selfishness than I ever realized. Too often I look for spirtual growth that will "feel good" for me. Maybe that's why I can't persevere in prayer and why I get distracted in church. It's not really about what is interesting or meaningful or inspirational to me. What pleases God? Shouldn't everything start there? I know that sometimes we need encouragement or just a sense of God's presence to comfort us. But I think I get too caught up in what I need sometimes, like a two year old who looks to the parent for only what their childhish heart wants. I long for the change in me that will cause my first thought to be of the Lord, not myself. May the Holy Spirit so transform me that I will consider myself secondary. Oh Lord, make it so.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
There are no shortcuts
Growing up in Wisconsin, I walked to school everyday. The trip was about a mile and half, not far enough to be bused to school. I walked in rain, below zero temperatures, and several inches of snow. And yes, there were some hills involved too. The only thing that made the 7:00 a.m. walk bearable was doing it with my friends and taking shortcuts to make it faster. We were always cutting through yards and parks and parking lots to make our way shorter. Being in Pittsburgh now, I find that I don't use shortcuts much anymore. I get lost too easily, so I stick to my tried and true paths, that one way that I know to get somewhere, even if it's not the fastest.
I am learning that there aren't shortcuts for the really important journeys. I can't have a good marriage or strong friendships or connectedness with my kids, by doing the minimum. There's not a shortcut to get where I want to be with them. Nor is there a shortcut to gaining maturity in my faith. I started off the year doing some fasting (a spiritual practice being practiced by someone very unspiritual). I thought it would be a good way to set my focus on God for the year and get my priorities in shape. I did some reading to prepare, and everyone had glowing reports of their mountain top experiences with the Lord and how they had never felt closer to God. For me? Not so much.
It was a good experience and God did use it to mature me, but it wasn't all this holy wonder that I was hoping for. However, I know that I did not spend enough time with God, as though the fasting would somehow make up for it. In the end, here's what I discoverd...there's no shortcut to spirtual maturity. I can't fast my way to a shorter path. Jesus said, "if anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me," Luke 9:23. There is a dailyness to our journey. An everyday waking up and setting God up first in my life. An everyday decision to do the pick and shovel work.
Jesus didn't take any shortcuts either. He didn't skip the annoying birth and growing up experiences of youth, by just appearing here one day as a man. He didn't skip that whole 40 days of fasting and temptation. He didn't skip the years of teaching and miracles and tiredness and hunger. He didn't bypass the cross by taking the shortcuts that satan offered Him. Jesus knew what I'm attempting to know: there are no shortcuts... just joy for the journey.
I am learning that there aren't shortcuts for the really important journeys. I can't have a good marriage or strong friendships or connectedness with my kids, by doing the minimum. There's not a shortcut to get where I want to be with them. Nor is there a shortcut to gaining maturity in my faith. I started off the year doing some fasting (a spiritual practice being practiced by someone very unspiritual). I thought it would be a good way to set my focus on God for the year and get my priorities in shape. I did some reading to prepare, and everyone had glowing reports of their mountain top experiences with the Lord and how they had never felt closer to God. For me? Not so much.
It was a good experience and God did use it to mature me, but it wasn't all this holy wonder that I was hoping for. However, I know that I did not spend enough time with God, as though the fasting would somehow make up for it. In the end, here's what I discoverd...there's no shortcut to spirtual maturity. I can't fast my way to a shorter path. Jesus said, "if anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me," Luke 9:23. There is a dailyness to our journey. An everyday waking up and setting God up first in my life. An everyday decision to do the pick and shovel work.
Jesus didn't take any shortcuts either. He didn't skip the annoying birth and growing up experiences of youth, by just appearing here one day as a man. He didn't skip that whole 40 days of fasting and temptation. He didn't skip the years of teaching and miracles and tiredness and hunger. He didn't bypass the cross by taking the shortcuts that satan offered Him. Jesus knew what I'm attempting to know: there are no shortcuts... just joy for the journey.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
A new word for a new year
Well, it's been a while. Maybe I'm not a blogger after all? I know I missed writing about the new year when I shoud have, in January, but I thought I'd get some thoughts off before we enter March. There are a few blogs that I read regularly and I was surprised that they all seemed to have the same New Year's theme. Each author picked a word to focus on in the new year; a word that God had placed on their hearts to guide and define all they would do in 2013. After some thinking and praying, I think my word is Action.
Perhaps not the way you would think though. It's not that I am going to be so active, as in doing a lot of things for God. It's more about "putting into action". I've been putting some roots in the book of James this year, which has some very telling verses about action. James 1:22-25: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does.
I wonder how long I have been deceiving myself? Just reading the word and letting it pour out of me like some kind of sieve. Have I really put the word into action? Have I really loved my neighbor as myself, sacrifically given to the poor, submitted to my husband, had love that was not proud or self-seeking? Have I really not gossiped and not shown favoritism, observed the sabbath, kept my heart pure, taken every thought captive?
So how do I now suddenly become this great practicer, not a simple reader any longer, of the word? I think God gave me a hint in I Peter 1:13: "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." Before I can jump into action I need to get my mind ready. This will involve the "pick and shovel" work (as my pastor says) of being in the scriptures daily. That is the only way he says, that a foundation can be dug. This is not my strong suit. The daily "grind" of disicplined behavior is always a struggle for me. My friend defined attitude as "a consistency of behavior". I need a better attitude! That is where the self-controlled part comes in, which I lack in spades. Thankfully this is a fruit of the Spirit. I am praying for Him to develop this in my life, with each daily choice that is surrounded by prayer. But the day in, day out long term scope of this discourages me. I think that's why Peter calls us to set our hope on grace, which Jesus gives us. In the inevitable failure or weariness, there is grace. His commands are not burdensome, in Him is rest. The very thing which seems like work to me, is the very thing which will release my soul from all that drags me down.
That is my plan for putting the word into action. I don't know what I'll actually do because as Casting Crowns sings, I often "lose my follow-through between the altar and the door". But in the process of thinking about it and praying, maybe my mind can be prepared for action, and maybe, just maybe, I can become a doer of the word. That would be God's action.
Perhaps not the way you would think though. It's not that I am going to be so active, as in doing a lot of things for God. It's more about "putting into action". I've been putting some roots in the book of James this year, which has some very telling verses about action. James 1:22-25: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does.
I wonder how long I have been deceiving myself? Just reading the word and letting it pour out of me like some kind of sieve. Have I really put the word into action? Have I really loved my neighbor as myself, sacrifically given to the poor, submitted to my husband, had love that was not proud or self-seeking? Have I really not gossiped and not shown favoritism, observed the sabbath, kept my heart pure, taken every thought captive?
So how do I now suddenly become this great practicer, not a simple reader any longer, of the word? I think God gave me a hint in I Peter 1:13: "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." Before I can jump into action I need to get my mind ready. This will involve the "pick and shovel" work (as my pastor says) of being in the scriptures daily. That is the only way he says, that a foundation can be dug. This is not my strong suit. The daily "grind" of disicplined behavior is always a struggle for me. My friend defined attitude as "a consistency of behavior". I need a better attitude! That is where the self-controlled part comes in, which I lack in spades. Thankfully this is a fruit of the Spirit. I am praying for Him to develop this in my life, with each daily choice that is surrounded by prayer. But the day in, day out long term scope of this discourages me. I think that's why Peter calls us to set our hope on grace, which Jesus gives us. In the inevitable failure or weariness, there is grace. His commands are not burdensome, in Him is rest. The very thing which seems like work to me, is the very thing which will release my soul from all that drags me down.
That is my plan for putting the word into action. I don't know what I'll actually do because as Casting Crowns sings, I often "lose my follow-through between the altar and the door". But in the process of thinking about it and praying, maybe my mind can be prepared for action, and maybe, just maybe, I can become a doer of the word. That would be God's action.
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