Well, I turned 46 yesterday. Yep, on the downhill to 50, which makes me feel old (no offense to any 50 year olds- I'm right behind you). And yet, I have eternity with the Lord, so when I look at it that way, I'm just a baby, right? Over birthday cake and presents, my husband asked me what my goals were for the next year of my life. Good question...worth some thought. Here's my list:
1). I know that I want to be changed. I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit and thus so supernaturally different, that I will only make sense if you explain me with God.
2). I want to learn to pray, to really pray. To just sit for an hour in the Lord's presence and not feel rushed or distracted.
3). I want to wake up everyday and ask what God would have me do and then do it.
4). I want to go on a mission trip, but I want it to be one where I can be exposed to true poverty. I know that sounds strange, but I need to see poverty and experience it, and I need to do something about it.
5). I want to be more focused on my family- not doing more, but just being with them, instead of doing for them- to look in their eyes and listen to whatever they want to talk about, and laugh long with them.
6). I want to not want- at least nothing but what God wants.
I know this may all sound so spiritual, but the truth is that I should already be here to some degree. I have been a Christian for so long and yet I'm so unchanged. Oh I'm different than I was when I became a Christian. I was a broken girl from a broken family. I didn't love myself and didn't think anyone else could either. I felt such a longing for God but didn't know where to find Him. But God found me, and I 've never been the same. However, I feel that there is still a long way to go. I sense that this growth is going to take some effort on my part, that I 'll need to leave the comfortable groove of Christian living that I've found myself in. Things have become too familiar, too taken for granted, like a marriage that's evolved into a roommate relationship. I need to be filled and directed by the Holy Spirit in such a way that I know I am giving it all I have, that I am laying it all out there to be used of God. Can I do this at 46, as opposed to the other years of my life? Not if depends on me. Good thing it doesn't.
